Lessons from the Past 89: When Smart People Act Stupid

Walter Vieira 20 October 2023

Life

Since I have been involved with the Consumer Education and Research Society for many years, I was recently doing a check on the packaging of consumer products that are displayed in many of our stores and malls in India. The aim was to check whether false claims are being made on the pack itself. There is also the question of false claims being made in advertising and promotion in all its forms—but that is another matter!

It was in relation to this study that I happened to go through some old files and discovered a note sent to me 20 years ago by my colleague and friend Ed Bobrow, a management consultant based in New York, who headed Bobrow Consulting Group. In reading this two-page note, I burst out laughing again, as I did when I first received it, and I thought I must share this note with my readers. Sure, times have changed. But instead of the old bloomers that I am going to relate, there are new ones that have replaced them. But we can keep the new study for another time!

Ed Bobrow wrote to say: “In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.”

On a hair dryer:

Do not use while sleeping

(Consumer response – Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair)

On a bar of soap:

Directions: Use like a regular soap

(And that would be how?)

On a bag of chips:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside

(The shoplifter special)

On some frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion. Defrost

(But it is “just” a suggestion)

On packaging for an iron:

Do not iron clothes on the body

(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On a Tiramisu dessert pack (printed at the bottom):

Do not turn upside down

(Too late!)

On some sleep aid medicine:

Warning: May cause drowsiness

(One would hope)

On bread pudding:

Product will be hot after heating

(As night follows day)

On peanuts:

Warning: Contains nuts

(Talk about a newsflash)

On children’s cough medicine:

Do not drive a car or operate machinery

(We could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds, off those forklifts)

On an airline packet of nuts:

Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts

(Step 3: Fly Delta Airlines?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only

(As opposed to what?)

On a child’s Superman costume:

Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly

(I don’t blame the company – I blame the parents for this one)

On a Japanese food processor:

Not to be used for the other use

(I gotta admit, I’m curious)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals

(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)

That is quite a lot of rubbish produced by smart marketing and advertising people for smart chief executives of large and small companies in some of the most sophisticated markets in the world.

The show goes on. It has happened in the past and continues to happen even now!

(Walter Vieira is a Fellow of the Institute of Management Consultants of India- FIMC. He was a successful corporate executive for 14 years and then pioneered marketing consulting in India in 1975. As a consultant, he has worked across four continents. He was the first Asian elected Chairman of ICMCI, the world apex body of 45 countries. He is the author of 16 books, a business columnist and has been visiting professor in Marketing in the US, Europe, and Asia for over 40 years. His latest books are ‘Marketing in a Digital/Data World’ with Brian Almeida and ‘Customer Value Starvation Can Kill’ with Gautam Mahajan. He now spends most of his time on NGO work and is presently Chairman, Consumer Education and Research Society, India)